Greed Cat
by Cranberries
Summary: Saria and Irene decide to turn Max into a cat. But what happenes when it back fires and ends up affecting one of our favorite homunculi?
1. The Spell and Newspapers

The Spell

"Aw! How long will it take?"

"Pfft, like I know."

"I hope it ishn't long"

"Now, explain to me again WHY you want to turn Max into a cat?"

Saria rolls over and stares at Irene, they have been up in her (and Greed's, but she kicked him out. By saying she and Irene need to discuss _female_ matters. Amazing how that makes guys practically run out of the room) room trying to find an easy spell or whatever for turning people into animals. Their mission, to turn Max into a cat, the cause…well we will soon find out.

"Cuz wouldn't he look adorable as a kitty-cat?"

"Well, he would also look pissed. And would probably try to claw our eyes out as soon as he finds out WHO turned him…"

"Yeah, but at least girls would like him" Saria mentioned with a grin.

"HA! Yeah, we could always say it was for his benifet."Irene laughed.

"So…in the end he will defiantly kill us."

"Yep"

"So what are we waiting for?"

After the Spell thing-a-ma-jigger mostly cuz I ish lazy

"Hurry lets go! I wanna see Max-kitty!"

"WAIT UP GOD!"

Saria darted down the stairs and almost through the bar, and I mean almost because she sort of ran and then tripped over Dorchet in the process.

"Why me?"

"Hey Dor-woof!"

"Stop calling me that."

"Aw come on! You know you like it." Irene said with a wink, as she got Dorchet to blush as a response.

"Were are you two in a rush to?" Martel asked and she sauntered over.

"To see if we managed to turn Max into a cat."

"I feel sorry for Max" Dorchet muttered.

"Hey Dor-Dor-woof, want a tail?" Irene asked sweetly.

"NO!"

"Then be careful what you say."

Irene and Saria then ran out the door, heading to Midnight's, hoping that Max is there and in a cute little cat form.

With Greed

Greed has been walking around out side for the past…well he didn't really know for HOW long. All he knows is that Saria kicked him out of HIS room due to some _female_ discussion she was having with her friend Irene.

_But WHY in the room! Why not out here somewhere or in the bar?_ He thought.

And that was his last though as he went UNCONCIOUS!

(Side Note: OMG what will happen? Well I know, but you don't grins)

Greed sort of opened his eyes and got up.

Only to notice that he was really close to the ground.

_What the...?_

He walked towards the curd of the street and looked into a puddle, only to see a furry face look back.

_HOLY FUCKIN' HELL SHIT!_

He jumped back, and then slowly moved back toward the puddle. And got a good long look.

_Okay, so am I ACTUALLY a cat?_

Greed looked himself over and noticed that yes, he was on four feel, with paws and was covered in fur. He sorta had a white fuzzy main around his neck were the fur on his jacket WOULD be if we were wearing it.

_Ookay, this can't be THAT bad. Who knows? Maybe Saria or that friend of hers Irene may know something._

So Greed-cat headed towards the Devil's Nest.

When he got there a problem appeared.

_How the hell am I gonna get in? I can't reach the DOOR HANDLE!_

He tried to reach up to the handle…but only failed in reaching it.

_DAMN! Wait…is that window open?_

He jumped up on a crate and managed to reach the window sill. And lo and behold it was open. So, being a cat and all, Greed slinked in through the window.

_Heh, this can't be that bad….._

With Dorchet (You know where I'm going with this wink)

Dorchet was currently lying on a table, when a sent went by his nose.

Sniff, sniff, _is that…_sniff…_cat?_

Dorchet bolted up and started looking around. Scanning everywhere looking for the vile creature, then he saw it. A black cat with a white fuzzy rim around its neck.

_I see you_ Dorchet though while snickering evilly and fingered the handle of his sword.

Then he darted in the direction of the cat.

With Greed (to busy laughing at this point)

Greed heard something heading in his direction.

_Hey this whole hearing this is cool to…..hey is that Dorchet….why is he running this way…and what's with that look in his eyes?...I only see that when he's….chasing…a…cat…shit_

Greed then took off, darting under and over tables and chairs, with Dorchet hot on pursuit.

"Come here kitty! I'm not gonna hurt you!" Dorchet snickered.

_My ass your not_

Greed bolted up the stairs and went down the hall way hoping to find an open door, and found one. Luckily it was Loa's room. But our favorite kitty didn't know this.

_SAFE!_ Greed thought as he ran in, only to be met with a hammer _Ah crap maybe not!_

Now the amazing thing about cats is that they can somehow turn on a dime and bolt out of a room without being seem, this is exactly what Greed did. Only to be cursed by Dorchet.

_HA ha SUCKER!_

Greed then bolted back down to the bar, but Dorchet was A LOT closer now. He then bolted under a tabled and hopefully into a more open area, but all he found was a corner.

_Crap_

"Ha ha kitty, guess you're cornered." Dorchet grinned.

With Saria and Irene

"Aw it didn't work!"

"It should of…I don't understand why…"

"Aw well we—what's he doing?" Saria asked, noticing Dorchet staring intently at a corner.

"Unno."

But that's when she heard a meow

With Greed

Greed couldn't help but let out a nervous laugh, but everyone else would only hear it as a meow. Then, right when Dorchet was about to pounce…..a rolled up newspaper came down on his head.

With Saria (and some Greed)

"BAD DORCHET!"

"What? IT'S A CAT!"

But Saria only ignored this statement as she picked up the black and puffy collared cat and cuddled it.

"Aw poor little kitty, is that mean chimera bugging you" Saria cooed

_Hell yeah_

"Aw you're safe now." Saria said while cuddling it. Now Greed/Cat was enjoying this WAY to much and was currently thinking that being a cat wouldn't be so bad.

"Stupid cat." Dorchet muttered

_THWAP!_

"Ow! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

"FOR DISSING THE KITTY!"

Well now wasn't that interesting? Hmm…I wonder what will happen next?


	2. Naming and Meeting Oliver

Naming and Meeting Oliver

Side Note: Every thing like _this _is Greed talking, but it would usually be heard by everyone else as meows. And everything written in **_this_** is Oliver. And the whole idea of Oliver is based off of a Saria Cobraina's grandma's cat. Cuz from what I hear, he's a character!

"What's we naming him?"

"You sure it's a him?"

"Yeah, you can tell by how the face looks."

"Could be a shim like Envy…"

"What the hell is a shim?"

"SHIM, first two letters of SHe and the last two of hIM."

"Ah, thank you Saria."

Saria, Irene, and Martel were currently sitting at a table with Greedkittie sitting in the middle, purring away as he was petted.

"Dunno, how about Bob?"

"You name everything Bob."

"So?"

_Like HELL your naming ME Bob_

"Well what should we call him?"

"I wonder were Greed is??"

At the word 'Greed' the cats ears priced up.

"Just like you to say something random Saria." Irene commented.

"Yeah but still, usually he would be back by now and asking why Dorchet hasn't killed the cat yet."

"It's cuz you viciously attacked me with a rolled up newspaper…." Dorchet mumbled.

_THWAP!_

"OW! SEE WHAT I MEAN!" Dorchet yelled as he rubbed a new bump on his head.

"Well back to naming…"

"Hmmm…well what about naming him after a characteristic of his?"

"Yeah good idea Martel."

"So yeah gonna name him stupid or something?"

"No Dorchet, you have that one covered."

"Ouch, hard much Irene?"

"Why you…"

While Irene and Dorchet were fighting, Loa walked in and looked at the cat.

"It's still alive?"

"Yep…but I'm not too sure about Dorchet." Martel commented, pointing at Irene.

Loa just hmmed and walked away.

With Greedkittie

_Okay, time to give hints on who I am._

With the rest of'em

Saria then got up and went to get something to drink, Greedkittie got up and sat down into her chair.

"Hey!"

_Hehe my spot now._

Irene finished beating Dorchet into submission with a newspaper (man he seems to be getting that a lot) and took a bracelet off and put it down on the table, Greedkittie noticed and launched onto the table, grabbed the bracelet, and bolted off somewhere.

"HEY!"

Irene chased the kittie, and then reappeared under Irene's arm with her holding the bracelet in the other.

"Greedy little bastard…"

"GREED!"

"Huh?"

"Well call him Greed."

_FINALLY! Now you catch on!_

"Greed won't like this."

"Who? The cat?"

"No Greed."

"Yeah, why would the cat care?"

"NO! She means Greed Greed."

"Greed Greed?"

"You know the guy who sorta runs the place and considers everything his possession."

"Yeah, the cat."

"NO! The homunculus! Not the cat."

"But cats think that way to."

"They do?"

"Yeah, everything is theirs and their just letting us leave here and use their stuff cuz were servants to them."

"Yeah well…okay now I'm confused. But what I WAS trying to say is that Greed, as in the homunculus NOT the cat, will NOT like it that a cat is named after him."Martel explained

"Why?" Saria questioned

"Cuz he doesn't like cats."

"SERIOUSLY!"

"Yep."

"Man he has next to NO life…." Saria muttered.

_HEY! I'm right here!_ Greedkittie practically yelled him his head as he jumped up on her lap.

"Hey there kittie kittie! Lie to be called Greed?"

"Meow"

"Cute little kitty kitty!"

"Meow" _purr purr_

"Can't you tell Saria is a cat person?"

"Oh yeah."

Later On, en route to Irene's house, With Irene, Saria, and Greedkittie

Irene unlocked the door and Saria walked in and put Greed down.

"WERE'S MY BUDDIE!"

_Your buddy?_

All of a sudden a black blur came rushing down the stairs and started bunking Saria's legs while purring and meowing.

_HEY ASSHOLE! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY GIRL!_

_**Your girl? Ever hear of sharing.**_

_Why YOU!_

There was much hissing and snarling from Greed and this new cat. That Saria had to pick up Greed and calm him down.

"HEY! No fighting!"

Greed just glared at the cat from Saria's arms.

Saria then put him down and said, "Be nice!"

She and Irene then went off somewhere, probably the kitchen.

**_Hey, started a bit off on the wrong paw. So let's start with introductions. I'm Oliver._**

_Greed_

_**Heh, you have the same name as that human that Saria keeps talking about.**_ Oliver snickered as he started walking over to a window. **_Well other then that, welcome to my humble abode. What you see here is mine, and since I have a fellow feline here, what you see is mine and yours._**

_Seriously?_

_**Yep, you sure you're a cat? That's one of our codes. Unlike the females, there always has to be a dominant one. And it another female doesn't abide to that one's rule, then all hell practically breaks loose.**_

_Holy shit, that's the same here?_

_**Yep, but their isn't one here, there is one next door….but all you have to do is stay off her lawn and everything is alright.**_

_Well, you see, I'm not really a cat._

_**Huh? But you smell like one and look like one.**_

_Yeah well, I don't really know how this happened…but yeah._

_**Dude…..**_

After many lazy moments and talking

"Putty TAT! Going now!"

_Putty Tat? You gotta be shitting me._

_**Heh, something you gatta live with as a cat…is all the nicknames.**_

_Well, if Irene ever takes you to a bar, and you see some guy with dashing good looks, feel welcome._

_**So basically look for the butt-ugliest human there?**_

_Haha very funny_

Greed allowed Saria to pick him up as she said her good-byes to Irene and left.


	3. Greed is ACTUALLY Greed

Greed is ACTUALLY Greed

Yeppers peoples! I have FINALLY gotten around to updating this story. Be proud. And look at my profile. I have changed a few things, mostly because this site wiped out the whole thing and I had to re-make it. So there are some new things there you might wants to look at. SO NOW ON WITH THE STORY!!!!

It has been only a few minutes since Saria got back to the bar with Greed, and Greed was beginning to think that it wasn't so bad being a cat. That is…until around dinner time.

"Hey Martel! We have any cat food?"

_Cat food?_

"No…hell I don't think we even have any fish."

_Wait, there planning on feeding me THAT shit….okay….maybe being a cat has its down sides._

Dorchet was sitting at a near by table eating a sandwich…and Greed kitty got a sly look on his face. He leisurely wandered over and started yowling.

"DORCHET!!! Are you bothering the cat again?" Saria yelled as she ran from the kitchen with a rolled up magazine.

"What? NO!" Dorchet said, in a scared and nervous voice as he launched out of his chair and ran through the door way and up the stairs. With Saria hot at his heels.

_Bon appetite,_ Greed thought as he jumped up on the tabled and started to pick at Dorchet's sandwich. After 20 minutes, Dorchet came down the stairs, with a few lumps on his head.

"Well…at least I can still eat my…..SANDWICH!!!!" Dorchet yelled as he saw what used to be a sandwich, which was now just two pieces of bread that have been nibbled at, no meat in it anymore, and whatever else was on it was also nibbled at.

"Why you little fluff ball of EVILNESS!!!!!"

"DORHCET!!!! SIT!!!!"

Dorchet grumbled and sat down on a chair, never stopping the glare he was directing at a bored looking Greed kitty.

Some odd minutes later

Saria was setting up some bottles on a table near a window when Irene launched though, scaring Saria and a sleeping Greed (who was curled up in a little fluffy ball on a chair at the table).

"HI!!!! What-ca doing?"

"Well, as soon as I can start breathing again I'll tell you." Saria said, "Okay, you know how Amber as been nagging me to make her a stain glass sticky thing?"

"Yeah."

"Well she finally threatened me enough today to motivate me into action."

"Had a feeling that was going to happen soon."

And while they were having this conversation, Greed was calming sitting, and thinking:

_Okay, I have decided that it would be nice to be me again, but how the HELL am I gonna communicate? Whenever I say something all they hear is 'meow'. And there is no chance in hell that I'm gonna eat cat food. And I get the feeling that Dorchet won't be eating anymore sandwiches around me anymore…and I'm just glad Kimbley hasn't shown up yet. He was WAY to much fun target practicing with the strays around here. And it will take more that just a rolled up newspaper to get HIM to stop. So think….think…..think….._

Around this time Saria was all ready taking out the colors, one of them being black. And Dorchet came in, grumbling, and saw Greed kitty jump up on the table.

"DEMON SANDWICH EATING CAT!!!"

"DON'T BE MEAN!!!" Saria yelled back and grabbed a little wooded stick (which Irene brought with her) and started to chase Dorchet around.

_Hmmm what's this?_ Greed thought as he knocked one of the bottled over with his tail, he walked over, stepping on the bottle, and squirting some of the paint out.

Sniff, sniff, _Ewwww this stuff stinks,_ he thought as he touched it with his paw, _Ah great! Now I got it on my foot, _he started to wipe it off, only leaving a great black smear on the table top.

_Hey….I think I got an idea. Now what to write…_

After much thinking he wrote something. And at a good moment to, cuz Saria was walking back with a VERY happy look on her face.

"Showed him a thing or two…now what-ca doing kitty?" Saria said as she pick Greed kitty up. "Ah you little monster! You got into my paint."

"And he wrote something."

Martel walked over, and said "Who wrote what?"

"Greed."

"Greed's back?"

"Nope, the cat Greed."

"Oh…you really need to think up a new name….cuz it's confusing."

"But the cat can't write."

Irene looked at the table, looked shocked and re-read what was there.

"I think that IS Greed."

"Huh?" Saria and Martel both said.

They then both looked on the table and saw:

"_**God damnit people!!! I'M GREED!!! You turned me into a ferkin' cat! Now turn me back before Kimbley returns!"**_

"Before Kimbley returns?"

"Kimbley uses stray cats and dogs for target practice." Martel said.

"What an evil son of a bitch."

"So does this mean the Greed is ACTUALLY Greed?" Dorchet asked, walking over rubbing his head.

"Yep."

Yeah I know, pretty damn short…but now there is only one chapter left before this story is DONE!!! Which probably means you good people will just have to wait…what? Another few months till I update it?? I dunno

-Love Cranberries


	4. Kimbley dum dum DUM!

Kimbley (dum dum DUM)

I AM ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And failing my English course smiles Well…not really, I hopefully did well on my essay and everything should be okay. So yeah, here's the MASTER PLAN!!!! I have updated this…and I shall update my other Greed story sometime before Christmas hopefully. THEN I am gonna make a special one-shot Christmas story with the characters.

And just as a side thingie: This story was PLANNED to be only 4 CHAPTERS long, which means that this WOULD be the last, but now it shall be 5 CHAPTERS. So the last one will be out………in awhile.

Greed sat on the table, tail flicking back and forth in an impatient manner. He kept his violet cat eyes focused on Saria and Irene as they poured over various books, looking for a way to turn him back into the greedy homunculus that they know and love.

"AH-HA!" Irene yelled in triumph.

"You found it?" Saria asked.

"No, but I just found the spell that can actually turn stuff to gold." She said happily.

Greed growled, his little fuzzy cat ears went back in irritation.

"What-ca thinks he said?" Irene asked.

"Probably something not very nice." Martel said.

When the girls went back to doing their research, Dorchet sat by the currently agitated feline.

"Uh….yeah boss, about before with all the chasing and insulting and-" Dorchet was not able to finish due to a certain kitty that launched himself at Dorchet. Hissing and snarling and flailing…with claws might I add.

When Greed managed to calm down, and compose himself, he returned to his perch and stared at the girls. While Dorchet, covered in cat scratches and bleeding from various areas, got up and sat as far away from his boss as he could manage.

"I'll be back; I think I should patch him up before he bleeds to death." Martel said as she got up.

Irene sniggered and said, "Guess he's now forgiven."

"Or Greed is just nervous because our cat-bomb-explosive-loving Kimbley will be back soon." Saria pointed out.

"True, true."

"So they went back to work as Martel started patching up Dorchet.

Meanwhile

In Greed's head, he was mentally cursing everyone.

_I don't know or care how they turn me back; I just don't wanna blow up. It just feels vary strange and I don't like it, _Greed thinks as he remembers the first time he blew up.

Greed got up and decided on taking a walk.

He went outside and sat on a crate that was positioned in a beam of sunlight.

Greed sighed and decided that after a short nap they will have found a way to turn him back.

He woke up a short while later, hearing someone coming down the alley.

"Aw, look at the little kitty-cat, sitting in a sunbeam."

_Oh shit_

In the Bar

Saria and Irene were getting along quiet well with finding a way to turn Greed back.

Then they heard small explosions, some yelling, and hissing.

"Dorchet." Saria hissed out.

"For once not me." The bandaged, sore looking dog-chimera said from the couch.

"Then who…"

The four of them (Saria, Irene, Martel, and Dorchet) all looked at each other and said the same thing

"KIMBLEY!"

Saria and Irene where out of their chairs as Martel was at the door, Saria grabbed some newspaper and began to roll it.

Outside

Greed, a little scorched on the fur, was backed up into a corner as Kimbley advanced.

"Come here kitty kitty I don't bite."

_Pfft, yeah, but you blow stuff up._

Right when he clapped his hands together, a rolled newspaper hit him square on top of the head.

"BAD KIMBLEY!" Saria yelled.

_What is that? Her new favorite weapon?_ Greed thought.

"OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!" Kimbley yelled.

"FOR ALMOST BLOWING UP GREED!" she yelled back.

"NO! IT'S GREED TURN INTO A CAT!"

Kimbley started laughing.

"Do you really expect me to think that Greed would be dumb enough to be turned into a cat?" he laughed.

Greed growled behind him.

Saria, Irene, and Martel all explained what happened to Kimbley.

"Pfft, sucks to be you boss!" he laughed, only to receive a smack from Greed.

"OW!"

"Well, the good news is, we found a way to turn Greed back." Irene said.

Greed sat on his box, with a vary pleased look in his feline face.

Well here it ish, pretty good, since it was created during my third period spare :) Next will be out soon.

Cranberries


	5. Greed's Back!

Hello, I was planning on updating this tomorrow, but as of Friday April 11, 11:57 I have decided to post it now

Hello, I was planning on updating this tomorrow, but as of Friday April 11, 11:57 I have decided to post it now. And the fact I'm suffering from a sugar high due to giant rockets candy…yeah…here's the now official last chapter of Greed Cat.

Greed's Back!

"Are you sure it will work?"

"Yes! Hence why we are getting Amber to put it together."

Saria, Irene, and Martel are sitting on the couch, waiting for Amber to get the formula completed.

Greed, pacing back and forth in impatience, then meowed loudly in frustration.

"Calm down greedy kitty, Amber will get it done." Said Saria, as she picked up the cat and petted him.

Amber walked out of the kitchen, with a saucer of what looked like milk.

"Here, drink this and you should turn back."

Greed leaped onto the table where she set it down, and he practically lapped it down in less than one second.

_Well, did it work?_ Greed thought.

5 minutes later and still no change.

"Hmm, maybe it takes a day to work." Dorchet speculated.

Well, Greed launched himself at Dorchet's face, kinda of like he did awhile ago. Hissing, spitting, and snarling with claws. It is obvious that Greed is not happy with Dorchets idea.

Next Day

The night before, Irene and Amber left to get some sleep before returning to the Devils Nest the next morning to try and find another way to turn Greed back.

Greed woke up from his spot on the couch, feeling stiffer than usual.

"Gawd, that's the last time I sleep here." He mumbled under his breath as Dorchet entered the room.

He looked at Greed, and then did a double take.

"Oh my god."

"What?"

"Boss! Your back!" Dorchet yelled and hugged Greed.

"HEY no hugging!"

Dorchets earlier exclamation caused Saria, who was making her way down stairs, to semi-fall down them and run to the door.

"I guess it did work after all."

Later that day, Irene came by with her cat Oliver. Oliver walked around, sniffed Greed's leg, and looked at him in a puzzled manner. Then almost like realization hit his little furry brain, Oliver jumped up and settled himself on Greed's lap.

"I brought him still thinking Greed was a cat, but I guess I can take him home." Irene was telling Saria.

"Guess not, he seems to of taken a liking to Greed."

"Strange, Oliver only seems to like you and me, guess not."

"And I thought Greed didn't like cats, what changed Greed?" Saria asked.

"Well, let's just say me and Oliver have reached an understanding." Greed said, petting the now purring cat on his lap.


End file.
